Lately I feel like my life is on fast forward. The good moments are slipping by so fast....that sometimes it seems like they weren't really ever there to begin with.
I took last week off for the Thanksgiving holiday. It was really nice, though of course I felt like I didn't get much done. I got to pick up Phoenix every day early from school, and I got in most of my workouts. I hung the Christmas lights....We got the Xmas tree up...I did TONS of laundry....I went grocery shopping....I got to go to my favorite thrift store...we celebrated Thanksgiving with great friends....but it really felt like I didn't get a breath, not even one.
Now it's back to work...back to the routine and I am feeling slightly let down at the moment. It's the holidays and it's a busy time...but I miss my family in California, and I just feel dissatisfied.
Running seems to be the only time when time slows down a little. Even the harder runs I have been having lately make me feel calm inside and give me some relief from this feeling. I don't think I am alone in feeling that sometimes running is all I have. The only thing really keeping me going and sane. When I look at that feeling from the viewpoint of my sanity I am ok with it...but when I look at it in the big picture I feel that it's pretty pathetic of me.
Time for a change I guess. But what I am finding is that the older I get the harder change is. The more unlikely I am to make a change.
Now you might read this and say I am suffering from depression, but this feels different. It feels like somewhere I have been before, but I am not necessarily depressed....I just need to tell the people who came up with the less is more running plan, that my body loves it...but my mind needs at least one more day to pound my feelings out on the pavement.
I feel like I could have written this post (but not near as well). If I didn't have running and my basset hounds (the two things I can always count on to make me happy) I feel like I would be in the insane asylumn (not to make jokes about that but you get my drift).
ReplyDeleteI also agree that they older you get the harder change becomes. More variables involved. Sometimes I miss the days when I just packed up and moved onto a new adventure whenever I felt like it.
Hope you feel better...I know for me these types of feelings surface a lot more during the holidays to here's to hoping they pass come the New Year!
Sorry you are feeling a bit "off" but glad that you have found peace in running. I think the fact that you are so in tune to your emotions and not trying to smother them will help you immensely!
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