Friday, May 13, 2011

Identity or Lack Thereof

I am new to this whole blogging thing and while viewing my blog I noticed I can go to the "next blog"....hmmm....very interesting! There are so many blogs out there about all kinds of things. Family blogs, religious blogs, photo blogs, dog blogs, on and on, there are thousands of them, millions of them!

Good photos, bad photos, no photos, all liners, two, women, teens....and some blogs with WAY too much information! Super interesting to scan through them though. It's amazing to me how many people have a true writing talent! I found this one blog this lady writes about her children and the experiences of motherhood, she wrote this blog about boogers...boogers you ask? YES was hillarious...and relateable...I loved it.

One reoccuring theme on almost all blogs by mothers was the issue of identity after having children. I don't think about this much but I guess I started thinking about it after reading some of these blogs. I mean who am I really now? Mother? Wife? Stepmother? Rain? I mean who am I really now? What do I like? What do I not like? What are my goals? Do I even have goals anymore? I love being a mother, and it's part of who I am now for sure, but I can see how it swallows you whole. You just become another person. I don't think I will ever go back to being the Rain I was before.

I know I am still very young and have a lot of life to live. But reality is I am not independently wealthy, I have a home and responsibilities, and as much as I would love to be footloose and fancy free to do whatever I want, I wonder if I would really love that....and I wonder what I would do?

I feel like there are these unreachable things I would love to being at the top of my list, and then there are these things within my reach that I feel like I don't have time for. Like Horseback riding for instance. I have horses, and I don't ride as much as I would like to...or much at all really. Maybe once a month I get out there with them. And it wouldn't be hard to make time, but time is what I feel like I am lacking.

I do make time for running, but mostly because I can use my "work" time to do it. I think if I had to run in the afternoons, or evenings, or more on the weekends I wouldn't be as dedicated as I am. I feel like the time I am not off work just flies by and there are always 10 things that NEED to be done before these things that I WANT to do can be done.

To tie this all together I guess maybe mother's don't have the time to find their identity. And it's funny that motherhood/life though frustrating and time consuming, has it's own rewards that make it all worthwhile. I am not a cup half full person but I would like to be. And I would like to take motherhood as an oppurtunity to maybe find the new Rain. To make new dream and goals. I already feel little changes rippling through my life that are redefining who I am.

Whew....ok I am done rambling. Happy Friday all!


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