The Babysitter...

This is more to document how I feel right now. Not really for all of you...but so I can look back and remember this moment clearly.

When my daughter, Phene, was born in April 2009 I was very fortunate to have a very understanding boss who let me extend my maternity leave by 3 months. Those first 6 months of Phene's life were amazing. Staying home with her and seeing her grow...that time was priceless!

As it came closer to the time I had to go back to work I became increasingly anxious about having to send her to daycare. It was something I could just not imagine having to do. Something I was DREADING! We met a lady at the local church who watched her for the first few weeks, but with our long hours and because Phene at the time was pretty high maintenance it didn't work out for this lady.

Casually we mentioned at work (yes my husband and I work at the same place) that we were looking for a daycare. And of course we were looking for recommendations. It just so happened that one of the guys we work with had a stay at home wife who was working part time at a crappy job that she didn't enjoy. She really wanted to be home to take her kids to school each day and be there when they got home in the afternoons.

Long story short we got in touch with her and she agreed to be Phene's "babysitter"

At first I thought I would feel jealous. Seeing the way Phene reacted to her and how much they enjoyed each other. But honestly all I felt and all I have ever felt is peace of mind. I have never worried, I have never doubted. And I have always known that the "babysitter" loved and treated Phene as her own child. Even the "babysitter's" children embraced Phene and treated her with such love and sweetness. It was truly an amazing situation. That I truly appreciated because I could go to work and never ever worry about how Phene was being treated or if she was safe.

Fast forward to this week....Phene's last week with her "babysitter". The "babysitter" had an oppurtunity come up to start her own business. And had to make a decision that I know was tough for her. It was time. Phene is 2.5 now and ready to start learning to be around other kids....sharing, playing, being more independent.

Now I feel anxious and overwhelmed about picking a safe daycare...knowing that I will never ever have that peace of mind that I did with our "babysitter" again. I cried on Phene's last day there. And I have cried a couple times since. Phene is still too young to understand what is happening, but she talks about the "babysitter" all the time. I am hoping to keep in touch with her, and she has offered to babysit for us on the weekends.

I will miss her so much!...She is an awesome mom to 5 kids...YES you heard me right...5 great well adjusted kids. This lady's heart is bigger than anyone I know. She is smart, beautiful, kind, patient...really the best kind of mom out there! And how lucky that Phene got to spend time with her and be influenced by her. Phene came home one day saying the entire ABC's...she knows shapes...she knows colors...all thanks to the "babysitter" I didn't ask her to do these things...but she did.

From a mother to a mother...I hope she knows she provided me with a priceless gift of 2 years of COMPLETE trust and peace of mind. I hope she knows that I will forever remember her and I will forever be thankful to her for what she provided Phene.

It's hotter than.....

Baby Steps

I have been stressing!

Ever since my run on Monday where I had some pretty extreme ankle pain I have been OBSESSING about whether it would hurt again the next time I ran. I iced on and off Monday...and on and off Tuesday. I took it very easy and probably looked pretty lame half limping around! I just didn't want to put any pressure on it.

This morning, with knots in my stomach I embarked on my run. I planned for a slow run around 9:30-10 minute miles and told myself I didn't need to go fast, because you see I have kind of an issue with being slow. Any way....I digress...So I started out one foot gingerly in front of the other. And it DIDN'T hurt! YEAH! I ran 5 slow miles and even at the end I felt pretty good. Funny, though in an ironic kind of way that now I have some shin pain, but I am not too worried about that because that I can work out with the foam roller.

To say the least I am H-A-P-P-Y!!! I still plan on icing (Just took the ice pack off) and I still plan on only running slow runs this week. I can still get my mileage I am just staying away from speed work this week and I am going to stick with that 9:30-10 minute pace. (Though I might have to stick a 8:30 pace mile in there somewhere!)

I didn't want to mention this the other day, because IF that ankle pain did not go away it would be pretty disappointing for me to mention this and not be able to do it. But...I am thinking of carrying on this 1/2 marathon training and doing a full marathon next year. The Austin marathon to be exact. (I believe it's in February) I have been running more miles each week on my long runs, more than I needed to for 1/2 marathon training. And it's feeling really good. I need to think about it more, and look in to what changes I would need to make during my weekly running to get in enough training miles. (The weekend long runs I can make time for, but the weekdays runs are limited and I just don't have that much extra time) I never thought I would run a full marathon, or want to for that matter....so we will see....

On another note our AC went out yesterday morning AGAIN! So, I got to leave work at 11am to meet the AC guy and I got to spend the afternoon with Phene! Made me wish I could do it every day! I miss her so much when I am at work. And I feel like I am missing out on all those little funny moments! We had a GREAT afternoon together. And luckily our AC only needed a freon fill up though he did say we probably have a leak...and we will probably need a new AC soon. Ughh.....loan time!

Something also good about yesterday is we got some more rain! Not a lot but I am figuring every little bit helps! I broke down and bought a $120 bale of hay the other day :( And I am hoping by the next time we need a bale that the price will be back down in the $70-75 range. After 4 days of putting hay out the ponies are finally eating it. I think they have been spoiled by eating pellets all summer and it might take them awhile to remember that they like munching on hay all day again. They better for $120!!!!!

(As for the title today I am referencing Bill Murray in "What About Bob". I just laugh when I think of his character in that movie, that's a good one I haven't watched in awhile!)

Phene Tuesdays

And this Little Piggy Went Waa Waa Waa All the Way Home

Long run this last Saturday went really well. 15 miles in about 2:22 and I felt really good. Jessica had something come up so I met with the Run Tex group at 630a. Quite a few people showed up but there were 4 of us that split off and ran the San Gabriel Trail.

I felt great! No pain, no struggles, and I tried the Shot Blocks again and this time I felt fine. Though I did supplement with a few Sweedish Fish in between which I think helped! The only thing that went wrong on this run was my Garmin. When you are obsessed with your Garmin, as I am....and when you depend on your Garmin to tell you everything, like I do....and when you look down and you are miles off of what everyone else has on their Garmin....and you notice that your time is also off by almost 10 minutes....you get a little irritated. This coupled with my backlight issue forced me to go back to Best Buy and try to return it...and luckily they replaced it completely with no fuss! So, a new Garmin....YEAH! (This really wasn't my first issue with it. Last week during speedwork with the Run Tex group my splits on our tempo run were almost 10 seconds faster then they should have been! And I need every second advantage I can take!)

Now on to this morning....

I cried, oh yes I cried.

This morning is my usual 5 mile recovery run. And usually I have a few little twinges, or a sore spot for a few seconds...or I just feel a little old and creaky. BUT this morning was different. Within a 1/2 mile my ankle was killing me. I mean I NEVER walk and I almost did. I slowed down and it went away for the most part. I continued on and it didn't hurt again until my last 1/2 mile. Again, pretty unbearable pain. The last 1/4 mile on I cried. Not because it hurt, but because I am SO scared of getting hurt and not being able to run. I depend on running so much....PLUS my first 1/2 marathon is 2 weeks away. So, yes I was a big baby on my run today. I am sitting here at the moment with ice on my ankle. Hoping...Praying...that this was ankle pain was just a fluke...or something that won't bother me on my next run.

And let me tell you all....if I get hurt and can't run. Watch out world! I get a little cranky!

Because You are Just Dying to Know More About Me!

Things I love....

The Coffee Bean
This is the best place to get a mocha! They use chocolate powder instead of syrup, which makes all the difference in the world. This place puts Starbucks to shame!
(They just recently opened a location here in Austin too! But alas I haven't been there because it's still an hour away from my house in the boondocks!)

Brie cheese
My God is this cheese truly amazing!
I mean who am I kidding I love all cheese! But I do hold a special place for brie, it's just so darn good!
(Trader Joe's makes this Brie in Crouet (Spelling?) Oh boy if you have never tried it, it's a must! Brie in bread what a combination!)

Asics Gel Cumulus
I am truly a shoe snob! I am very picky about my running shoes and it has served me quite well thank you! These shoes are the best! They truly fit me like a glove, and I will be sticking with them for awhile!
(Oh, I could write an ode to my running shoes, I truly do love them, and adore them!)
Sidney Sheldon's Books
I am a busy person. I really don't get that much time to sit and read these days, but when I do I have been reading Sidney Sheldon. Sure there is a cheesiness factor. Sure there is not much philosophical going on. But these books are entertaining! And easy to read. Master of the Game has to be my favorite books by him!


Hanalei Bay Kauai Hawaii
You know how sometimes you remember places from your childhood and you go back to that place as an adult and the place just isn't the same? Whether it be because of growth or just because as a kid we have a certain imagination, and sometimes things were different then they seemed? Well this place has never disappointed me. I could fill blog post after blog post of pictures that would not do this place a BIT of justice! The ocean, the mountains, the sand, the sky...I am in awe of the raw beauty of Hanalei Bay. I miss it all the time! And yearn to walk along it's sandy shoreline with the tradewinds blowing in my hair.
(How very lucky I was to be able to spend more than a few years in this wonderful place! Don't get me wrong, I don't want to go back and live there, but I would love to go visit again soon!)
Shaved Ice with Ice Cream on the Bottom
Since we are on the topic of Kauai, you know what sounds SO good right now?? Shaved Ice...with ice cream on the bottom! There is nothing better! If you haven't tried it you are missing out!


And last but in NO WAY Least.....

Phene
Little Phene, she is something lately. She's sassy, in to everything, she talks back, she cries because she thinks it helps her get her way, she has a constant boo boo that needs a band aid, she won't use the potty, she's constantly moving and never sits still, She likes to tell me what to do, and did I mention she never sits still and is all over the place??
But even through all this this the little bugger never ceases to make me smile! She says the funniest things, she does funny little dances, has some quirky little behaviors that make me laugh....and I just miss her all the time when I am at work :(
Anyway, now you know more about me! So very exicting! :)


Have a good weekend all! Hope you all have great runs!

Like I need to sweat more!

http://zaggora.com/


From the company's website:

HOW IT WORKS

HOTPANTS™ contains Celu‐Lite™ technology which maximises the results of your workout by heating those areas covered by HOTPANTS™.

Celu‐Lite™ technology reflects back the heat naturally generated by the body to promote deeper warming of your tissue leading to higher levels of perspiration and therefore breaking down fat and toxins that contribute to the appearance of cellulite.

It amazes me the stuff they come up with.
But really, I just think to myself...like I need to sweat more?

Gosh she is getting big!

You gotta search within you

Saturday was my long run with Jessica. All in all a pretty good run. We met up at the Georgetown Run Tex store, did a loop around Southwestern, and then hit the San Gabriel trail. The weather was definitely cooler but the humidity was HIGH!

This week we experimented with Shot Bloks. At mile 6 we both had one. I will say they are pretty easy to eat as they are soft and kind of dissolved...BUT....they were almost too sweet, and maybe upset my stomach a little. I think I have felt better when I eat the Sweedish Fish or Gummi Bears. It was almost like they gave me an acidic stomachache. I think we may try GU next week.

At mile 13 and 14 I was having to double back on myself to get to 14 miles which kind of wore me out. Next time I just need to run farther out so I don't have to run up and down the street. At mile 14 I was DONE! I was tired and really thirsty this week. I have to say this was not my easiest long run.

I was glad to have Jessica's company though!

Here are my splits:

Mile	Time
1	9:11
2	8:41
3	8:51
4	9:22
5	9:30
6	9:31
7	9:23
8	9:23
9	9:23
10	9:27
11	9:22
12	8:36
13	8:38
14	8:57
TOTAL	2:08:23

I was listening to Eminem on my run this morning and had to rewind this part of "Till I Collapse"

'Cause sometimes you feel tired,
feel weak, and when you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up.
But you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength
and just pull that shit out of you and get that motivation to not give up
and not be a quitter, no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse'

Words for me to think about today.

Hope you all have a good week!

Bucket List

I was speaking with a good friend of mine recently about my lackluster feelings about where my life is. And about the envy I have towards a certain friend who gets to travel all over the world...yep as much as I hate admitting it I do envy other people's adventure's at times, because I feel like my life is so adventure-less.

She suggested I make a bucket list of things I want to do.

It started me thinking....what do I want to do?

Immediately things start coming to my mind that I feel are unattainable...such as not working for a year and being a stay at home mom, visiting the Greek Isles....running an ultra marathon....but then I started thinking maybe these things are not as unattainable as I think.....maybe everything is possible. Maybe not, but maybe.....

It's hard for me to think beyond the things that I need to do. And maybe that's my problem lately. Maybe I need to start wanting more and pushing myself to find more things/moments/activities that I enjoy to broaden my horizons a little.

Right now running is about the only thing I have that I really do for me. And I LOVE it. I couldn't function without the running...and I almost feel guilty that I am even thinking of trying to find more things to do for "me". And maybe it's not about doing more for me, but about enjoying the moments more and not stressing so much about the daily stuff that will always be there.

I need something, because I am feeling stuck, and the only time I am really feeling like myself lately is while running. I don't like where that puts me mentally and I need to change that. I need to remember the things that make me happy, that make me smile, that make me want to get up in the morning. And I am thankful for the running because it has been that "thing" for me, but there has to be more.

Well, these are my deep thoughts for today.

14 mile run planned tomorrow with Jessica....and the weather is supposed to be cooler which I am more than happy about!

The Thing About Dog Crap

The thing about dog crap is that if you get it on your pants and you try to rub it out with water, it just gets wet and ground in to your pants and leg. And it never really comes out....and it's only 11 and you are stuck with dog poop on your pants all day.

Who'd You Rather

*Spent a couple hours in the car on Sunday and listened to some stuff on the radio about 9/11. They played some of the recordings from the planes, and talked to survivors. This year more than any other year I felt very sad. And I just couldn't imagine witnessing something like that first hand. So scary, and so sad that these people who did witness it are changed forever. I found myself close to tears listening to people recounting that horrible day. I think it's good for us to remember, as people, and as US citizens. Our freedom and safety is precious. I am thankful to the soldiers who risk their life fighting for our freedom and way of life.

*Long run went well this last Saturday. Planned on 14 miles but rain 13.8. Jessica joined me for the first half and the second half I listened to music. Town Lake was as busy as ever and I had to weave in and out of people on my second loop. All in all SUPER happy on my second 13 mile run! I ate not too long after this time also, which REALLY helped! I felt better and not so exhausted! Even made it home and mopped the floors :)

*Bought a new washing machine and I couldn't be happier! Paid a BUNCH for a LG high efficiency front load a few years back and I have HATED IT! It had got to the point where I was having to wash clothes two, sometimes 3 times...it's just been a nightmare! This past weekend we bought a cheap top load washing machine and finally my clothes smell fresh after one wash cycle! Hallelujah!

* Fall TV shows are starting up. A few I am looking forward to are:

"Parenthood" (A good funny show with some great actors)


"Vampire Diaries" (A little teeny bopperish at times, but all in all pretty entertaining!)

"Dexter" ( LOVE LOVE this show!)



....and so sad that "True Blood" is over :( I thought it was a really good season, and I wish there were some more episodes!!!

*I am not much for reading news about the world markets or current events....but I love some good celebrity gossip...and who do I turn to?? Tmz of course! This morning I had quite a predicament.....or lack thereof!

Hmmm....the answer is obvious. Can anyone who has seen the Notebook not make the same decision??
Oh Noah!
Because you see it's not really Ryan Gosling that I like. It's the character! It's the time the movie was set in. It's the thought of a love that lasts forever and is pure and complicated, but real.

Something you may not know about me is I don't like romantic movies. Some of my favorite movies are Seven, Fight Club, The Usual Suspects, Boondock Saints, I love a good twisted film!

The Notebook is the exception, and every single time I watch it I cry. No matter what!

That's about all I have for today. Have a good week all!

Who'd You Rather?

Run Group, Friendship, NEED some yoga!

This morning I met up with the Run Tex group in Georgetown.
Plan was...
1 mile warm up
4.5 miles at progressive tempo pace
1 mile cool down

It didn't quite happen that way. It was more of a steady pace around 7:40/7:50. At mile 4 I slowed down to 7:57 pace. I was WIPED OUT!

When we started it was dark which made it kind of interesting. I found a girl who was pretty much at my pace so we set out together. She was FAST, literally two of my strides were one of hers! I kept up with her until mile 4 and she went on ahead at the pace we had kept for the 4 miles.

This wasn't one of my easiest runs. I felt like I was putting out a lot of effort for not such a fast pace. I was happy to have company though because I think I would have slowed down a lot sooner! Doing my weekly speed workouts with a group the last 2 weeks has been very helpful. I plan on continuing to go every week. It's good to have a little push!

Personally I am having some friend trouble that I am a little sad about. A woman who I have become pretty good friends with over the last year has really been disappointing me lately. Maybe a better way to phrase it is that she has really been hurting my feelings. What makes me most sad about it is that I feel like maybe she has been this way all along, and I am just now realizing it. I love her dearly but I feel like she is so involved in herself and so unaware of how this can affect others negatively. I also feel like she has become sneaky and has told me some lies. It just breaks my heart because I don't think I want that in my life. And sadly I think I have to give our friendship up.

Perhaps my expectations in friendships are too high?

Ok so enough of that!

Planning on 13 miles again this weekend and really looking forward to it! Tomorrow I think I need to fit some yoga in as my back has been kind of sore.

Have a great day all :)

Oh and minus 8.5 inches of hair later...here I am....I am not loving it, but it was for a good cause!m....

Tidbits

I ran 13 miles with Erin on Sunday. It went really well and throughout the run I had minimal fatigue and we ended up running most miles at about a 8:30-8:40 pace. It helped to have a new route, and some good conversation. PLUS, it wasn't hot and we had a great breeze, which I am sure helped!

But now to what happened after the run. I think I made a mistake....

After the run I immediately drank a cup of water but than had to drive home which is about a 20 minute drive. I got home and I was starving....so I ate half a banana and my husband suggested we should go to Cracker Barrel which sounded SOOO good! We got in the car, and 30 minutes later we are at Cracker Barrel to be faced with a 30 minute wait. I really think I should of ate something more than a banana when I got home. I started to feel really tired and a little sick, like that low blood sugar feeling. I felt better after I ate, but I was exhausted! When we got home I took an hour nap but was still just dragging.

So, after my next long run I plan on having something to eat in the car on the way home. And not letting so much time pass between the end of my run and when I eat. I also think I might get some gu or something a little more substantial than gummi bears to fuel during the run.

All in all the run was a huge confidence booster! I was becoming very nervous about the 1/2 marathon I am running in about a month...wondering if I could make it 13 miles, but now I know I can....and now I know I can more than likely run it faster than the 9 minute mile plan I had!

My plan for the next month is to increase my long runs by one mile until the last weekend before the race where I will drop back down to 11 or 12 miles. So, I should cap my mileage at 15. It's just so exciting that I am breaking these personal records of mileage ran. I never would have imagined I would be running a 1/2 marathon. I am very excited!

Perfect Moment